Years ago in the pool, toddler sister on my shoulders, we were splashing and playing. And one more step and I was in over my head. I treaded and struggled to take one step back. Somehow underwater there is no concept of space or even time, where am I and how much breath do I have left? I could have swam to get myself out of this situation, but having my sister on my shoulders I had to keep my body upright to keep her face above the water. My dad was on the pool’s edge watching. When I got out I asked, “Dad didn’t you see me struggling, why didn’t you come and rescue me?” I genuinely thought I was going to kill my sister. His response made me a bit angry. “Sarah’s face never dipped below. And you had it completely under control.” All the time he was watching Sarah’s face, I wasn’t breathing. Underwater I was panicking, my feet could not find surface. But Dad could see the whole picture and knew I was one step away. He knew the amount of time that had actually elapsed, not the false eternity of my breathless mind. Dad was there, he would not let me drown. I felt further away than I really was from my Dad. But that’s the thing about drowning, somehow you lose footing and awareness of your surroundings. You lose oxygen from your lungs. You lose control. You panic.
Anxiety feels very much like drowning. A wave of fear crashes over your face, and suddenly you feel in over your head. Your heart races and breathing seems difficult. Try to regain control, try to step back onto familiar ground, but fear binds your failing feet falling deeper into unknown waters.
You call me out upon the waters, and the great unknown where my feet may fail.
Your grace abounds in deepest waters.
Your sovereign hand will be my guide, Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me you have never failed and you wont stop now when oceans rise My soul will rest in you embrace.
The Lord has taken me to a place “where my trust is without borders” and I have prayed to “take me deeper than my feet could ever wander.” In my prayer I somehow didn’t realize my feet were wandering into the deep end of the pool. One single wave, and crash. Fear. I try to control my body in waves, But my Father controls the waves. I have chosen to Rest in His embrace, I will not drown. I will breathe. I know my heavenly Father is here, and I have chosen to rest in his embrace. To breathe his presence. To breathe life. My Father has not given me a spirit of fear. Peace beyond understanding
this recent wave, this tsunami of a wave crashed, I felt peace. Peace that even I cant comprehend, Jesus closer than my breathe. Regardless of the outcome, of the tidalwave, the Lord holds it all. He restores the water damage.
I know the risks are great, but I know my Father called me into the waters. I know He will preserve my life. He is my life preserver.